i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
