so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize