I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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