oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
