idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
