Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
