If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize