Swine flu. Run for my life!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
