the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
