i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
