Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
