You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
