Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
