I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
