stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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