dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
