Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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