there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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