new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
