Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
