You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i'm inner monologue high
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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