the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
