I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
