I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
