Don't make out with my wife yet
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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