So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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