need another drink. this is the easiest way
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
