Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
