Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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