I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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