she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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