I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
