i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
