i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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