hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
