i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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