You really coming over, don't trick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
