The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize