you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
