i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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