i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
