Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
