I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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