Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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