Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
