I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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