i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize