who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
