did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We got so high we made milksteak
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
