I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
