I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
