rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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