At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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