oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize