last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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