I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
