Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
