I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
