so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
