i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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