so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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