I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
