it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
