I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
