i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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