omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
