I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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