Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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