R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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