my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
