OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
