Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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