its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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