Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
