I wanna bring you to show and tell
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
