Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
