i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
