Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
