Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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