glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
