I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
