come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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