I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
