dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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