Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize