what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
