The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
