i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
