I love black thongs
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
