Screwed.edu
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
