yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
