I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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