Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love having hate sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize