He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
