You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have surprise drugs for everyone
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
