i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
