Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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