..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize