OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
