Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just gift wrapped bread.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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