I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
