her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
