You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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