The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
