I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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